Here I am, again at Kuroshio. This time, alone. After several hours, I start thinking of you. (finally?) I try to read A Lover's Discourse, in both languages, and I try to focus on the word JEALOUSY at first. The more interesting word.

You have made me feel jealous, of course, by probably the words, not the moves. It seems that you never move. (so that's why I misunderstood so severely?)

I am quite surprised by and don't really know why my ability to move from being love to out of love. While the pages flip through, I encounter the encounter. How blue the sky was. I start recalling our encounters.

"rencontre / encounter
 The figure refers to the happy internal immediately following the first ravishment, before the difficulties of the amorous relationship begin." -- Barthes

When I was ravished, by you, your image, following some of the encounters... This is the sweetness of the beginning. (but then the bitterness of sequel follows) (Now Sugar Plum Ferry was played, a perfect mate for A Lover's Discourse)

I recall dazzlement.

I think of the cast of the dice.

Perhaps, I never know how to love. I don't love who you are. Instead, I love the you I imagine; I love love itself; I love the longing for love.

今天基本設計課上，她用了「負空間」來形容戀人被質疑的心。戀人好像常會用對方的行為來質疑對方愛自己的程度。有常常想我嗎？願意為我做些什麼嗎？這樣都做不到，是真的愛我嗎？而除去掉這些行為，對方似乎就不愛戀人了。如此，愛的程度得由行為來行塑，愛人的心似乎成為好比空間上由實體所圍塑出來的負空間一般，空洞虛化了。

五月的第一天，椰城的藍色小水池開了。O去了，但我沒有去。

我得思考，戀人是否能書寫戀愛，思考在此語文的深度與淺度。此時來改變思考可能嗎？也許這會是隻轉變我人生方向的蝴蝶呢。命運總是有趣。

然後，一張情人節卡片。